8 Abuses of Social media

1. Bitching - Most widely used. People who do not open their mouth in real life can be as vocal (duh!) as they dream to be. The fun part is that person A can bitch about person B to person C and persons D, E, F, G, 1, 2, 3, @, %, ^ can all join and start bitching about persons M, N, O, P, ), (, *, &, etc. and persons x, y, z can ask some random people to go f**k themselves for killing Siberian Blue Panthers
2. Warning - Widely used. The best source of advice on why you should not cross your legs while sleeping, why you should never eat samosas with chai, why you should never wash your hair in the morning, etc. etc. etc. Also warning on drugs that are banned in the US and freely available in India. And what KFC puts in their chicken - do you know they actually kill the chicken before they fry? Damn those b***ards!
3. Charity - Heavily used. Facebook will pay 1$ for each fwd of this message to the man who lost both his head and tailbone trying to hold on watching a recent Dileep movie. Oh and that cute little two year old baby who needs blood for her surgery still needs blood. Even though she is the mother of a two year old now. Turns out that she is a vampire!
4. Selfies - Isn't that the reason for having facebook? Like a book of faces? Selfies come in all forms and can beat your wildest imagination. While conducting a well-orchestrated burglary, on scenes of accidents, with his grandfather's dead body (oh yes!), while on shopping, while in the toilet (you don’t believe me, do you?), in school, in college, at work, and where not.
5. Product or service reviews- Widely used. Do you know that airtel is the worst mobile service provider? Vodafone is your best bet. Don’t even think about Aircel. Reliance has a simple issue - reliability. Idea is pathetic, BSNL does not even exist. Actually you should go for airtel, which is the best. Or better, you go for aircel or Reliance. But never for Vodafone.
6. Movie reviews - Widely used. From fans, its more or less like a dog's diary. Today I played fetch with my master - best day of my life. Today I played in the pool with my master - best day of my life. Today I got a bubble bath from my master - best day of my life. From fans of other stars, it is like a cat's diary - Today, the man was so disgustingly dressed that I puked in his carpet. Does he even know what he is doing? I wish he would trip on that garden hose and break his neck. Such a disgrace to humanity and a threat to cat-ity.
7. Status updates - If you don't do it, you do not exist in the digital realm. Feeling bored with - wife, two kids, a playstation, 50 inch 3D HD LED TV, Blu-ray player, tons of blu-ray discs, beautiful weather outside, and a hell lot of money in the bank. But no one asks this dude to get up, wear a pant and take his kids outside to play! Or at least watch a movie with his family. Or just talk to them. Feeling sad - 100 people ask her what happened, be strong, stay calm, just chill. No one tells her to get a life! If you are really sad, you don't post on facebook! If you do, it’s a minor thing that should pass easily. I guess playing victim does feel good.
8. Unnecessary stuff - Moderate to heavily used. Anything other than the above. Showing off, sharing jokes and memes, sharing photos of friends and family, etc., etc., etc. Generally, the harmless part that can get harmful if not used carefully. 

How to unwind

5 ways to unwind

1. Intoxication - Get drunk or smoke weed. The high will unwind your stressed out brain. Con - You might have a hangover next morning. Oh, and watch your liver and heart, especially if your choice is booze
2. Vacation - Go on a vacation. Spend time away from all worries and do things that are stress-free and enjoyable to you. Con - Needs more planning and financial investment
3. Yoga - Yoga and meditation works wonders for most people who practice it. It can unwind you and will also improve your health. Con - Need to get professional training and is not advisable for the lazy
4. Arts - Draw a picture, paint something, sing a song, dance to your favorite music. All these things can entertain your mind and give your brain some relaxing exercises. Read yoga for the brain. Con - Well, not all of us are artistic and hence the end results might not be fully satisfying
5. Day-dreaming - Sit back, do nothing, and start a day-dream. You can punch your boss on his face, you can burn the office down, you can kick your colleagues, the opportunities are endless. Con - you could end up writing a blog that no one reads ;)

Lessons of Life #2311467

Facebook brings people closer. In real life, no one would be looking at the black mole on my nose so closely. They do it only on facebook.

Specially unique

What makes you special and unique?

Your appearance? They say even identical twins are only 80-85% similar. So you are truly unique in your appearance, regardless of how similar you are with your sibling or a total stranger. But that does not make you special.

Your genes? Oh yes, genes are truly unique. Like your appearance, there cannot be another person who has the same genetic code (whatever that means) as you have. But again, when you think of it, that’s nothing special.

Your personality? They (maybe not the same "they" I mentioned earlier, but you do get my point, don't you?) say your personality is only 20% based on your genes/heredity. Rest is all built upon your experiences. So a lot of other personalities can influence your personality. Okay, you kind of get it, right? I mean personality is not truly unique even though it can be special.

So then, what makes you specially unique? From my experience, I have realized that random acts of kindness and selfless actions for others make you specially unique for that one moment. And to me, that is all it becomes a man to achieve in his life. He can create moments of uniqueness, moments where he rises above all to do the "God-work". Oh yeah, now I kind of understand some of the unconventional theories around Gods and also why God is almost always in human form. Almost.

So the theory is that you cannot become God. But you can do the "God-work" for a moment and enjoy that. If you really start getting a high on that, you repeat the feat often and you will be called a living angel and posthumously, you might even get elevated to sainthood. How cool is that.

Now this describes why people don't do that often. Its God's job to fix things and we are not God. Wait a second! Could it be that we created this God figure to explain why we are not doing these good deeds? We say that God is the supreme power who controls everything, the great magician (oh yeah, magic!) and is so perfect that we human beings cannot even understand him with all his perfection. Gives us enough reason to not be God.

I do not believe in a humanoid God. God is not a being. Its that bit of goodness inside us. Just like the God particle in all matter (thank you CERN!), God is part of us. We do not understand this part as it is totally perfect (same goes for God particle). It takes a huge tunnel dug across two countries and a hell lot of money and time invested to get a glimpse of the God particle. But here, the real God is different. It does not take a lot of effort to get a glimpse. You see a homeless guy, you turn to the next coffee shop and buy him a sandwich, and voila! God is here! God does not do magic. God cannot do great things. God can only do small things with great love - said someone who kept bringing out the God inside her quite often.

So if God is within you, where is heaven? Looking up? We have already proven that it’s a few kilometers of thin air, some clouds, a layer of ozone, then empty space filled with meteors and comets, other planets, satellites (natural and man-made), billions of stars, and all the stuff that we do not know, but know that we might know later. So where is this heaven anyway? Indian mythology says heaven is where the God resides. And since God is within you, heaven is also within you. Oh did someone ask about Satan? Well, change all that I have said above to negative and evil things and replace God with Satan, heaven with hell. There is your answer. Simple and saves me time and paper (or space and keystrokes).

Living on the edge

The haziness in the air thickening

Makes me a poignant sluggard

Eerie as the nature is

I long for a shore placid

My boat hangs on the edge

Of a wave about to crash!

I wish for a storm so vicious

That rips the sails in a blow

And blazing strings of fire

Thundering down to the sea

Brisking my hands to act

Waking me up from a dream

But my hands tied to the helm

I peer blindly at emptiness

The moment lasts forever

Before the wave shatters

I live to tell the tale 

Of one agonizing wave

My boat climbs another

And leaves me wishing again!

Lessons of life #1322456

Think about consequences and next steps before making any decision. Being aware of consequences will help you avoid surprises and having next steps planned will give you the confidence that you do have some control over what is going to happen next. However, always bear in mind that things can still go wrong and you might have some surprises. Have an action plan for unwinding yourself in case you get a surprise later on. This can be anything as simple as a count of 1 to n. (Well, if the n is greater than 100, then you should really consider whether this works for you or not) Yoga and meditation can teach you tricks to practice which will keep you calm during stressful times. Google it! There are tons of information out there.

So if you know a bit about consequences, you know what you are going to do next, you know that there might be some surprises regardless of all these, and you also know what you can do to unwind and stop yourself from freaking out, you would not regret any decision that you take. The only flip side is that your spouse will be freaking out just seeing you calm and composed after a decision that you took went wrong. So if you have an action plan to help your partner unwind as well, that would be the icing on the cake. 

Definition of God

So, humans cannot imagine or picture God with all his perfections. We simply cannot understand the perfect being. And God is transcendental with a clairvoyance stronger than what we can imagine. Maybe they are right, but let me give it a shot. Let me try to define God. Wish me luck! 

So before I begin, like anyone who has been introduced to problem solving and business intelligence, let me find my sources of insight. Who knows about God? Humans, of course. But where can I find expert advice? The religions, of course. How silly! 

They say God sees everything, knows everything. That’s the clairvoyance that I talked about earlier. Now, religion also says that we should follow God's orders and rules. Apparently God is a King and we are expected to live as he wishes. Oh, by the way, if anyone thinks that I am a chauvinist, they should read! God is a he! That part has been proven without doubts long back. So he sees and knows everything and is capable of doing anything, but just lets humans, the imperfect sinners do whatever they want. And based on their actions, he would decide who goes to heaven and who to hell. Oops! Sounds more line Bane from Christopher Nolan's Batman movie! Nope, God so loved the world he gave his only son that whomsoever believes in him shall not perish, but have eternal life! Or something like that. The Devas created man in their own form. So apparently, God loves us and his son had already paid for all the sins mankind has committed till then. I am sure God is not sending his son again. If what he endured was the consequence of the sins committed by humans at that time, what would he have to go through now? With global population increasing at least a thousand times and the variety of sins committed going up by several thousand times, the consequences could be far more horrifying that God's son might decide to skip that part. 

Ok, let me get back to business. So maybe God is like Batman. Want people to take responsibility of their actions, but would intervene when things go out of control and would take some beating for the wrongs of his people. Yeah, that sounds more acceptable. Wait, what about pushing humans to hell for committing sins in their mortal lives? Batman does not do that. In fact, he refuses to do that and kills his mentor Ra's al Ghul. Ok, I think I have seen the trilogy too many times. Coming back, where does luck fit in? So something bad is going to happen to me, and somehow, miraculously, I avoid that. That is luck, but credit goes to God. He saved me. But what about the times that I or someone else find this luck not with us? So God is partial. There is some way he decides when to help, whom to help. They also say that God decides what should happen with us. So that makes him a sadistic monster who decided that I should burn my palm at the age of 2 and undergo 3 surgeries to get it fixed. He also decided that my son should bang his face somewhere and lose his front teeth at the age of 3. He also decided that Aylan Kurdi should drown before he could learn to spell the word God! 

I need a minute here to get me back on track. I want to define God. Not the Devil. Maybe religion is not the right source. Rationalists, don't do the victory dance yet. Science is not the right source either. For all that we know, someone somewhere might prove scientifically that science was wrong all the time. But there is one trusted source of insight. My own bloody conscience. It will not lie to me. It will not make up stories. Regardless of what my head wants to believe, deep down, my conscience will keep telling the truth. And my conscience says that God is not a being! God is the sum total of all good things that I know of. Love, kindness, humility, benevolence, happiness, etc. And Devil is the sum total of all the bad things. Which means, God and Devil are both within us and much more than the definition, I should worry about which part should be unleashed. Religion helps us overcome the guilt of not doing the good things all the time. It tells us, we cannot be like God. We cannot understand God with all his perfection. That is comforting. We are not doing something because it is impossible. So no worries! Let us light candles, decorate our roads, play music through huge speakers, make payasam in a million pots, and get drunk. All in the name of God. The omnipresent, clairvoyant, supreme power!

The Love curve. No, not what you think

If you plot love and the urge to possess what you love on a graph, you will get a bell curve. (See, I told you it is not what you think it is.) Time is not a dimension in this curve. The curve can span across several long, agonizing, taunting, painful, restless seconds to decades that fly like seconds. So you basically start at 0 and then as your love increases, your longing to possess your love also increases steeply. Then you hit a point where your urge for possession is at its heights. From there, if your love increases, you start letting go your urge for possessing that entity. To a level where you love it more than anything that you don't want to possess it, but would rather simply love it. A lovely scenery looks so attractive that you want to capture that moment. You take a picture of that and want to save it for ever. But if your love for it increases any further, you will stop taking pictures and simply go there everyday if possible, gaze at it to your heart's content and leave. Mankind needs to learn to love more than that point where the urge for possession is highest. Once you cross that, you will start letting go and cherishing your love within yourself and be happy. Half the problems in the world will be solved by that.  Stupid, you think? But that's the way it goes with love. It cannot be intelligent or smart. Love is the stupid feeling which has kept this world going till now. If everyone becomes smart, the world will end sooner than we think

The Third Eye

The all-seeing, powerful, and mysterious third eye of Shiva is more feared than revered. They say that the third eye, if opened, will destroy everything. Burn the world into ashes. No one wants to believe that the third eye is not on Shiva's forehead, but inside the human brain and it does not open to the outer World, but it opens inwards into ones own mind. This refusal is quite understandable for if the eye opens, the illusion will be destroyed. The world as he knows, as he built inside his meek, little, super-powerful brain will be burnt to ashes and he will see the truth. The truth that he is not an individual, but just an inseparable, tiny part on the continuum called the Universe. Losing his identity scares the crap out of him